The Need to Belong

The Need to Belong

Rejection by a group is no less painful.  It stirs unhealed memories of previous times when we did not feel included in an inner circle of friends, or when we were not accepted by some church,  club or organization.  We all long to belong.  The more important the group is to us, the more determined we become to get in and achieve solid acceptance.  Our self esteem is often based on the friends we have acquired or the prestigious groups to which we belong.  When we are excluded or ignored, we feel the piercing jab of rejection.

Of all the rejections of life, the most difficult to bear is the rejection expressed in people's criticism and judgments when we fail, or when we do not measure up to the standards that others place on the world's definition of success. When we most need help to face some mistake and learn from it, we feel condemnation rather than understanding and encouragement from people including our loved ones.

When we are hurt by rejection, we are tempted to slink off alone like a wounded animal to lick our wounds.  Often our method of coping is flight, not fight.  We can become aloof, strained, and fearful, not only with the people who have hurt us, but with others.

You may be sinking in the quicksands of rejection right now, suffocating in the quagmire with only one hand protuding out of the oozing mire of discouragement and fear.  Be sure of one thing, if you apply faith in The Word of God, the Lord can take hold of your hand and pull you out and give you sure footing on the rock of His accepting love.  

You can be secure in  God's love.  Do not surrender your self worth to the opinions and judgments of others.  When you are feeling rejected, no need to retaliate.  When you are hurt, allow the Lord to bring a swift healing.  Knowing the pain of rejection, seek to reach out in love to others that suffer likewise.  Many have been rejected in hospitals, convalescent homes or remember those on the job who are not as popular as others.  Remember there are many pastor's who face rejection because they do not embrace traditional doctrines of men, or because they stand up for truth and refuse to compromise preaching The truth of God's Word versus a "watered down, lukewarm, without conviction, handed down message that people will applaud, shout, jump and greatly enjoy.  These people will go home in the same sick condition that they arrived in.  They went to church only to be denied the Word of God so that some jack-legged preacher could find favor and approval with the world.

Stand with that spiritual leader that stands out for truth and seek how you can find favor with God.

The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the strength of my life: of whom shall I be afraid?  Psalms 27:1

The psalmist's panic over his enemies led him to a great conviction.  He did not internalize the criticism or hostility of others, nor did he fuel the fires of fear with self-neglect or self-blame.  His first thought was of God and his need of Him.

That is what we need to affirm when we feel rejected.  We need the perspective that comes with the illuminating light of the Lord.  In that revealing light we can see things as they really are.  We can ask ourselves, why am I so troubled by this rebuff?  Why has this person or group of people's opinion of me become so important?  Could it be that what they think is more important to me than what God thinks?  Do I need their acceptance more than His?

Light for the Dark Corners:

When the light of the Lord reaches into the dark corners of our memories, we are able to see how the unhealed hurts of the past have made us vulnerable to current rejections.  We realize that without the Lord's help, we will continue to be victimized by people's attitudes and reactions to us.  The painful experience of rejection actually becomes a blessing when it forces us to see that the fear of rejection has more power over us than God's power at work in us.  That realization leads us to confession of the false god we have made of people's approval and to a humble prayer for profound inner healing.

An Honest Inventory

When we have reached this point we are ready with the help of the Lord to take a close look at ourselves and what might cause others to reject us.  Assured of the Lord's love, we can see ourselves as we are, asking ourselves, Is there any truth in what people have said?  Are there any eccentricities in me that would cause people to react to me the way they have?  Was the criticism justified?  Do I set myself up for rejection by insisting on doing or saying things that cause it?  An honest inventory is liberating.  It frees us to take responsibility for our actions.  It also helps us see that in many instances we were not to blame and that the rejection was unfair and unjustified.

The Real Enemy

In the light of God we can also see the real power at work behind people's hostile words and actions.  Satan is always ready to attack those who are trying to put God first in their lives.  He uses people's rejections to influence us to question our self worth and our status as God's chosen, called, and cherished people.  Experiences of rejection eventually put us in a spiritual battle with the forces of evil that are seeking to immobilize us in fear.  But the Lord is infinitely greater than Satan's crafty, demeaning designs on us.

  

Once we know who the real enemy is that is when we can cry out for the Lord's protection and victory.  We can say the courage, fear dispelling words, The Lord is my light and salvation.   For the psalmist salvation meant deliverance from his problems and enemies.  It means that for us, too, but so much more.

For us, the word salvation is drenched with New Testament grace and power.  Emmanuel, God with us, Christ the Lord is our salvation.  In Christ's life, his message, death, resurrection and present power, we discover how to overcome the fear of rejection.  He is able to help us because He himself endured the full force of rejection and overcame it.

Isaiah's prophecy of the Messiah's rejection came true in Christ's life.  "He is despised and rejected by men, a Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief" Isa 53:3.  Christ was rejected by the leaders of Israel, misunderstood by His family, and denied and betrayed by His disciples.  Yet through out his life he revealed love incarnate.

Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice.

Have mercy also upon me, and answer me

When you said, seek my face,

My heart said to you, your face, Lord, I will seek. 

Psalms 27:7-8.

With my love

Sharon